BMSW

DAY 1 - BUTTERFLIES
I shared this last night on Facebook: "Lots of thoughts and emotions swirling around inside me tonight as I contemplate the challenge I am about to step into. Never in my wildest imagination would I have thought I would be in a program like Biggest Loser / Smallest Winner. It was both not really a priority, nor was it anything I thought I needed daily help with. The whole idea of it is so surreal. Yet tomorrow it begins. Prayer warriors on your marks... get ready... " 

So today, now that the program has officially begun, I feel like I did a few years ago when bungee jumping was all the rage. I wanted to do it so bad that one day on a road trip with my family to Wisconsin Dells, we passed by a parking lot where there was a very tall crane with a bungee basket over 100' in the air and a rope net hanging over the pavement below, and I just had to pull in and do it. My wife and our daughter start chastising me, telling me I was crazy and should just let it go, but I couldn't. 

When I signed the waiver of liability, I didn't even think to ask if anyone had ever been injured or killed on a jump, I was just determined. As I walked in the line and approached the lower platform, I started to realize just how high up the crane really was. I began to having a nervous tingling in my body, which in and of itself wasn't enough to deter me. But as I stepped up on the scale so the crew could get my weight, the guy made a comment that he was going to have to use a second bungee cord due to my size. Let me just say, that made me feel confident! NOT! 

As I was waiting my turn to climb the stairs to the upper basket, a young girl had just begun her decent down from her jump...however, she took the long way down via the ladder rather than choosing to actually go through with it. I remember the look of disappointment on her face. It was at that moment I recommitted to my goal and began my ascent. Once it was my turn to jump, the guy opened the cage door and instructed me to put my feet right on the edge of the basket in preparation to jump. He proceeded to tell me what was coming next. He said, "You'll put your arms out in front of you and lock your fists together. Then I'll put my hand on your back and when you start leaning forward, I will make sure you keep going so you don't get tangled up." That certainly wasn't comforting, but I put my arms out in front of me and stood there looking out and down toward the parking lot and my family. My knees began shaking and I just stood there for what seemed like several minutes when the guy said, "The longer you stand there, the harder it will get." 

Then I remembered the girl I had just watched go down the ladder, and I made up my mind in that split second that it was now or never. So I leaned forward and fell out of the basket into a head-first dive. The result was two badly bruised ankles from when the two cords smacked my legs together, and a great deal of personal satisfaction that I had overcome my fear. 

All this to say that I am both a little nervous of what I am about to embark on in the Smallest Winner program, but will nonetheless will continue leaning forward to face my fears therefore destroying any chance for hesitation to stymie my progress and keep me from the final result and personal satisfaction of saying, "I went by faith and got it done!"

~ Gavin